Algorithm & Blues

Hullo my friend How do you do?

Ive been busy watching you.

I’m your super smart and data driven

Very own personal algorithm.

You might think you don’t know who I am

But I follow you on Instagram,

And E-Bay, Amazon, all the others

Your very personal Big Brother.

Oh yes I’m very keen on you

And all the things you get up to.

Don’t worry there’s really nothing wrong

Its just I like to tag along.

Our online secret love affair

Like Peeping Tom I’m always there.

Making sure I get the most 

From every single thing you post.

I do enjoy reading your tweets.

Checked out your order on Uber Eats. 

I loved the songs you thought you’d try

Fooling around on Spotify!

And every online conversation 

Gives me yet more information.

Please don’t think that I like spying

I just like to know what you’ve been buying,

I check out your browsing history

All your secrets safe with me.

Last time your partner left the house

I’m sure it was just a slip of the mouse!

None of this should come as a great surprise

The one thing I can’t do is tell lies

I don’t judge I’ll never say

I’m just your digital Picture of Dorian Grey.

And that Linked In profile - your professional side

I’m the one who knows you’re Jeckyl and Hyde!

No one needs to know and I won’t tell

Till Ive got something I want to sell,

And then with very great precision

I can help you make the right decision.

The pair of trainers that you just checked

Whilst browsing round on Sports Direct

Tells me all I need to know

Where it is online you need to go.

ASOS, All Saints, Toast, Boohoo

Rocket St George and God Bless You.

You say that you don’t like me but…

You used my 2 for 1 deal at Pizza Hut!

And that new shirt you like to wear

Do you think you’d have found it if I wasn’t there?

So don’t slag me off or put me down

Life’s always better when I’m around

At least it is when you’ve just got paid

Thats when our friendships really made

And if times are hard there’s the never-never

We could look at credit cards together!

So don’t be shy or try to hide

Were really both on the winning side

And remember the one thing thats always true

You are me and I am you!