At the Gym

Ever feel you’ve peaked - now past your prime?

Do you ever think - it might be time?

Believe its not too late - to stem the tide

Hold back your waistline - halt the slide

Address your body’s dereliction

Admit to your fast food addiction

And your years avoiding exercise

Every meal super sized

So on project fit - and mission thin

You sign up to your local gym

Sure that entry through that hallowed portal

Will see you transformed from a mere mortal

The promise of a different you

Something better something new.

The beauty of youth restored once more

Awaits you once you’re through the door

But will that be reality? - Push the door and you will see

Gym Princes and the Yoga Queens

All with bodies, that in our dreams

We can only just aspire

Yet know that we simply wont acquire

A sense of shame should fall upon us

Confronted by some young Adonis

Every person watching him

Struts like a peacock round the gym

Chiseled jaw and perfect teeth

Thighs the size of sides of beef

Every muscle well defined 

Sixpack abs neatly aligned

Rock hard torso bulging neck

Muscles straining as they flex.

He’s not alone there are lots more

Gladiators by the score

Sit astride their bench press thrones

Oozing sex, testosterone.

Arms covered in tribal tattoos

The pick of any girl they choose.

Load their bars with extra weights

Successful lift - high five their mates.

And girls lithe, athletic as you can get

Stretch long limbs not breaking sweat

Yoga poses that amaze

Bend bodies in impossible ways

A slender fit and supple army

Twisted human origami.

Achieve a heavenly Nirvana

In designer gear from Under Armour.

You see the difference that it makes

Drinking whey and protein shakes.

Whilst you just hope to find loopholes

 To stick with beer and sausage rolls

Cos the other side’s where you’ll be found

Its no place for the musclebound

Where the beer-bellied and the bingo-winged

Are sweating buckets, breaking wind!

This is where the reality bites 

Of those chip-filled suppers and booze-filled nights

Bodies the total opposite of thin

Double waistline double chin.

Flaccid muscle, flabby belly

Midriff like 4 plates of jelly

Sights that are really best forgotten

Thunderous thighs and bulging bottoms.

Every single physical test

Could be the cause of cardiac arrest

Those who see it as no disgrace

To use the treadmill at walking pace.

Cant even see - least of all touch their toes

A fart in every yoga pose!

On the rower lacking style

Take four days to row a mile.

Trainers bought on special offer.

Track suit comes from Happy Shopper.

Lycra stretched to its utmost limit

Could give way at any minute!

Though girded up with great ambition 

Will not achieve lotus position

The harsh reality soon sinks in,

It may take a while before you are thin

A work out wont wash away like tears

The gluttony of 30 years.

Ready for the pain and sorrow?

I’ll see you at the gym tomorrow!