Billy Don’t like Skinny Dipping
Billy don’t like skinny dipping. He tried it once you see.
He thought it would be really nice to splash around all free.
He’d noticed that the beach boy bums all muscly and hunky,
Seemed to attract good looking girls who found them extra spunky.
Another real incentive in trying something new
Was if they had to strip, to take a dip, the girls would be naked too!
Him and his mates ran down the beach tossing clothes behind them.
Never thinking once, that in the dark, it might be hard to find them.
They ran naked straight into the waves shrieking with delight
A midnight swim seemed just the thing to do that starry night.
But it didn’t take long for Billy, naked in the sea,
To realise his error and a harsh reality!
Cos England is a chilly place, we really haven’t got the weather
To let the freezing English Channel be washing round your nethers.
He’d thought it would be really great, all sexy fun and frolics
But there was nothing fun or sexy about cold waves around you bollocks.
The other thing about it, that really upset Billy,
Was the dramatic transformation that had happened to his willy.
He’d thought that he’d just let it hang, maybe even impress them all
But a stage-fright - frostbite combo just made it shrivel really small.
Pretending to enjoy it Billy acted tough
But if truth be told he wasn’t, and the sea was getting rough.
Far from playful breaking waves were now crashing all around him
And his frozen shrivelled manhood was now taking a right pounding!
One big wave had him over , and though it wasn’t far to travel
He got dragged real fast, on his bare arse, through some really gritty gravel.
Instead of happy carefree fun - he faced a dire situation
Washing through the shallows - back sack and crack exfoliation!
Trying not to cry in pain Billy could take no more
He slowly clambered to his feet and headed to the shore.
He looked around for all his mates but he turned out to be
The only member of the stripped and dipped still naked in the sea.
He slowly staggered from the surf in a state of disarray.
Only to find that waiting there much to his dismay,
The girls who’d first suggested lets swim naked in the Channel
Were now fully clothed back on the beach sat like a judging panel.
Billy stumbled up the rocky beach looking here and there at random
Searching for the clothes that he’d thrown off with gay abandon.
The reality began to dawn on him - slowly as it seems
He was stranded naked on a beach and couldn’t find his jeans!
As he searched in desperation - his skin shrivelled blue and crinkled
The girls all laughed and whistled. “Was he looking for his winkle?”
Eventually he found his clothes and though with difficulty
He pulled his jeans and sweatshirt on regained some dignity.
His hypothermic bits and bobs got back feeling once again
Although the gravel rash on his poor arse was still a site of pain
Billy hoped no-one else had seen him being dragged naked on his bottom
But in the age of social media these things don’t get forgotten.
And before long it was out there - doing the rounds as these things can
His naked dip now a number 1 hit on Facebook and Instagram!
So Billy learned an important lesson known by all the surf-boy hunks
Remember where you put your clothes and always wear your trunks!
