Duffer’s Tattoo

Back when we were younger and changing all the rules,

Tattoos were another way to show our punk rock cool.

Now Duffer liked to be a a part of what everyone else was doing,

And she rapidly developed a deep interest in tattooing.

She considered all the options of what might make the best tat,

And checking through her vinyl came across the Stranglers Rat. 

Her mind made up she grabbed her coat and set of into town,

Straight into the tattooist shop went in there and sat down.

To her request the artist said  he definitely could do it,

And if he had skin that looked like hers he’d definitely tattoo it!

A rat was what she wanted “Like The Strangler’s one” she said.

But the bloke was not a Stranglers fan so did what he thought instead.

When we saw her new tattoo -  well I don’t know where to start.

It wasn’t the best example of the tattooist’s noble art.

I don’t know what had happened, he clearly had his own perspective.

Or perhaps it was his eyesight or tattooist gear defective.

Cos the end result, it must be said, it didn’t look that neat.

Rather like a big black slug with four enormous feet.

And the setting sun for background was definitely quite rough.

More like a mouldy Jaffa Cake with the chocolate  half licked off!

And as every time she showed it off it was treated with derision,

It wasn’t long that Duffer was regretting her decision.

Now the trouble with tattooing is once done they’re here to stay,

They don’t come off like transfers if you change your mind one day.

Eventually her discontent was more than she could bear,

And now a new  tattooist found Duffer sitting in his chair.

As what she had was orange and black, to change it all about,

They thought a tiger might be the best to  block the whole thing out.

The tattooist started straight away, Duffer kept her fingers crossed

It was only some time later she asked what it would cost ?

“Oh no” cried  Duffer when she heard - “Ive only half your fee!”

“Well if thats the case” the bloke replied “half a tiger it will be!”

And so instead of a fierce tiger -  all angry spitting- hissing,

It looked more like a mangy tom cat  - No stripes and one ear missing.

The moral of this tale is clear if you ever want a tat

Make sure you’ve got the cash if you want to be flash

And please don’t choose a rat!

Footnote

Duffer’s  Half-A-Tiger Tattoo achieved a curious level of notoriety. It was a few years later before she got round to getting it finished by yet another tattooist. The final version remains to this day,  glowering ferociously,  beneath the work blouse of a 60 year old office admin in Farnham.