(Life Of a) Fart

I never asked to be a fart,

Life stacked against me from the start.

But have you ever really thought?

My life as a fart is really short.

So don’t condemn or seek to blame,

I only get  one chance of fame.

For some time now Ive left you stewing, 

But you know that you’ve got one brewing.

The only power I can enjoy,

Is deciding how and when to deploy.

In truth I haven’t decided yet,

What kind of fart you’re going to get.

Will I be a weak and feeble fellow,

Or come snorting out with a sonorous bellow.

Will it be a whimper mild and meek,

Or will it make the sofa creak.

A cacophonous drawn out medley,

Or maybe  silent…… but oh so deadly. 

Alternatively  just for a laugh,

I could add extra bubbles to your bath.

Decide instead to just stay in, 

Then join you at the local  gym.

Although you try to do your best,

I remain an uninvited guest.

Engaged in a frantic backside battle,

For fear you’ll make the curtains rattle.

Terrified I’ll  bring it home,

By really going full trombone.

And now the final act of my story,

Triumphant death in deafening glory!

And the ultimate horror to embarrass you -

Wet and watery follow through!