Paintcard

I went to buy a pot of paint,

Should be simple but it aint.

Decision making’s real hard,

With a hundred choices on the card.

Can’t just choose and say “thats it”

A dozen shades before you commit.

Deliberately created indecision,

To boost the test-pot sales division.

But the most obvious marketing device,

Higher value higher price.

Why not have some fun with it? 

Liven up the names a bit!

Give the paint card a whole new feel, 

Different names that keep it real.

The current names are too restrictive - 

Let’s go for something more descriptive!

Better names that wont be forgotten, 

Like -Cuckoo Spit, or Baboon’s Bottom

Bad Bananas, Oxo Cubes,

Penguin Phlegm and Ginger Pubes.

Rancid Cheese and Orange Trump,

Otter’s Bollock, Camel’s Hump

Slimy Oyster, Chicken Pox,

Furry Tongue and Roadkill Fox.

Squirrel Snot, Syphilitic Skunk,

Nettle Rash and Monkey Spunk.

Cat Sick, CarSick, Sunburnt Nipple,

Stamped On Snail and Rat’s Arse Ripple.

Skidmark Pants, Tobacco Stains,

Stepped in Dog Turd, Blocked Up Drains.

Ear Wax Buff and Scabby Knee,

Curry Sauce and Mushy Pea.

Frog Spawn Folly, Oil Slick

Butchers Tripe and Bogey Flick.

Porker’s Trotter, Porno Pink

Unwashed T Cup In The Sink.

Teenage Acne, Verruca Dream,

Hemorrhoid Heaven, Maggot Cream.

Tobacco Breath, Rubella Red

 Seagull Splat and Mouldy Bread,

Nappy Rash and Dogfish Dimple

Weeping Sore and Pus Filled Pimple!

These are the paints I want to try

Get the name right I’m sure to buy.

Time to get busy Farrow and Ball. 

I want Reindeer’s Retch on my living room wall.