The Selsey Crab

All right then. I’m the Selsey Crab.

Get out of my way cos I’m fucking mad! 

I’m the ultimate Rockpool Brawler.

A hard-as-nails Seabed Crawler

Watch out for me round Selsey Bill.

Chop you up just for a thrill.

Claws of iron coming at you,

Could cut a conger eel in two.

Beat up those that cross my path,

Murder mackerel just for a laugh.

Shrimps and prawns had better scatter,

Or I’ll serve them up on a Seafood Platter.

Make skate skidaddle, pulverise pollocks,

Hit Billy Bass right in the bollocks.

Flatten flounders, sole and plaice

Smack a  shark right in the face.

Beat the  whiting’s sorry arse.

Kick the dogfish, every time I pass 

Rip a haddock into bits,

Tell the cod he’s had his chips.

Slice up sardines without a fuss,

Break the legs of octopus.

Serve up sprats as a tasty dish,

Trim the blubber from jellyfish.

Tie fishermen’s lines all up in knots,

Chew my way out of lobster pots.

Crabbing lines up on the quay -

I’ll pull your kids under the waves with me!

Swim my way, there’s no survivors

I snip the  pipes of  scuba divers

So better remember who I am

Or I’ll cut you a new smile with a razor clam!

Keep your distance or it will turn out bad.

You just don’t mess with the Selsey Crab!