Welcome to Bognor Regis

Welcome to Bognor Regis,

A town that lives up to its name.

Bognor that is not the Regis,

But I think there’s no need to explain.

Cos places like Bognor Regis,

Are best kept out of sight out of mind.

Where charm is well hidden, 

Refinement forbidden,

And could be only loved by the blind.

Where little joy is apparent,

 And hope is  in full retreat.

Where “eyes down’s” not a call from the bingo,

But how people walk down the street.

Neglect and decline are abundant,

Every possible assets been stripped.

No business can flourish, 

Even the gulls look malnourished- 

As they try to mug tourists for chips.

A sea front  thats full of crap boozers,

A high street of charity shops.

You search for a redeeming feature,

But know there is probably not.

The Council has got no money,

But still talks of transformation.

A new toilet block is built on the prom,

It gets called regeneration.

So Welcome to Bognor Regis

A place where decline calls the shots

And kids bump the penny cascade,

In the local arcade,

And Dad tries to win big on the slots.

The night club overpromises,

Happy hour isn’t happy but grim.

As hen-party girls on a budget,

Get pissed up on prosecco and gin.

The pizza box lies in a puddle,

 The coffee cup didn’t make the bin.

Wetherspoons serves up a Full English,

Where the first pint of the day’s  been thrown in.

And Gypsy Lee tells you your fortune,

From a little  hut down by the pier,

Your future is bright,

 It will be alright,

 just go to Marbella next year.

A town with an uncertain future.

 A town where no opportunity knocks.

A town whose  name runs right through it

Like a stick of the local rock.

Welcome to Bognor Regis. 

Never the jewel in the South Coast crown.

Where no history was made. 

Where theres no glory to fade. 

Just another forgotten seaside town.